Pottastic!

Our little blow-out the other night was forgotten by morning, and we seem to be moving forward on the potty train. He had his first big potty victory yesterday morning and even wore his underwear all morning and through breakfast. We are working the kinks out of the reward system...earning stars first and then after 5 stars he gets a potty present. He is not asking for presents every time he sits on the potty now and knows the goal. While I understand the drawbacks of using the material rewards, we could not seem to break through the initial hurdle of getting him to sit and try the potty long enough to be successful. I am hopeful this little breakthrough is the start of good progress on the potty training front. It was great to see how proud of himself he was when he used the potty.

Pottastrophy

We have been given a lot of potty training advice, but no one warned me this could happen....

We've been making slow progress toward Oliver using the potty.  He understands the process (food digestion), he tells us sometimes when he is about to go potty, he asks to have his diaper changed (or tells us he does not want to change his diaper and wants to walk around in his dirty diaper), and on a few occasions we have gotten him to sit on the potty (usually with his clothes on).  But, his common phrase is "I am not ready, wait until I'm a little bigger."  So we don't push.

The Montessori preschool we are hoping he gets into for the fall requires that the kids are potty trained or you lose your spot.  So we decided to try to up the incentive.  A couple weeks ago we bought a bunch of matchbox and train cars and wrapped them up, "potty presents."  We have been offering these potty presents in exchange for sitting on the potty for at least two weeks.  No interest.

Last night, he had a dirty diaper.  Before putting him in the bath, I put the poop on the potty and set him on the big toilet (with a kids seat).  He did great.  Even peed a little so he got a potty present.  I asked him again this morning about the potty, but he did not want to sit on it.

So tonight (note Joe is working) before bath, Oliver said he wanted to use the potty.  We have little trainer potties in both bathroom.  So I asked if he wanted to use the big potty or the little potty.  I am giving you the exact quote, I swear...

"Daddy is a big guy and uses the big potty.  I am a little guy, I want to use the little guy potty."

Ok, so he sits on the little potty.  Does great, makes a thimble worth of pee.  Gets a potty present.  Huge celebration, he is happy, I am happy.  He takes his bath.

After bath, he wants to use the potty again and get another potty present.  I tell him that he only gets the potty present if he goes pee or poop in the potty.  This child proceeds to sit on the potty...and sit...and sit...asks me to read him books...he gets up to adjust his bum...read more books...put on shirt and socks...get up and stretch...read more books...at least 30-45 minutes go by.

 We tried running water, drinking water, putting his hand in warm water, and I even got on the big potty next to him and peed, but the poor kid could not pee.  He was so committed to the potty present and by this point moving past bed time that he soon started to cry and would not get off the potty.  I gave him the potty present to get him to leave the potty and put the rest of his PJs on.

Shortly after getting him into bed, he lost it.  Screaming about wanting to use the potty, wanting to poop in the potty, wanting to take his diaper off. For another 30-45 minutes he was hysterical about using the potty again.  Eventually, he cried himself to sleep.

What a disaster.  I don't know if he will wake up wanting to spend the day on the potty or if he will never want to use it again because he is traumatized for life.

Otherwise?

Instead of asking "what?" and "why?," Oliver asks "means?" and "otherwise?"

Avalanche means?
Communion means?
You need to wear your gloves, it is very cold outside....otherwise?
We cannot go to the market, it is closed....otherwise?

The "otherwise" questions can sometimes stump even the best adult around here.  Tonight, I got an otherwise that I thought was a softball, that was my mistake.

I got home from work and Joe already had Oliver in bed.  Much to my poor husband's frustration, as often happens, Oliver had a little burst of energy when I came in and Joe's efforts at the bedtime schedule were set back.  Oliver has established an arsenal of tactics for trying to keep me from going to work and for trying to avoid going to sleep.  After finishing his happy dance upon my arrival, he settled back in and tried the, "I'm hungry."  I told him he already had supper, but could get breakfast in the morning.  To which he replied, "I am hungry now and want some food in my big boy bed."  I said no, you don't eat food in your big boy bed.  His response, "Otherwise?"  I thought this was an easy thing to explain and I replied, "Otherwise, you would get crumbs in your bed, and we don't want any crumbs in your clean bed that you sleep in."  Oliver's response to this, "But, I want a bowl of strawberries and strawberries do not have crumbs like biscotti."

Despite my better judgment, Oliver got his bowl of strawberries.  Not because I thought he was super hungry or because I did not think he would understand further explanation.  Simply because, I thought he made a really good point.

Lines!!

At Oliver's last doctor visit, the only 2-3 year milestone the doctor mentioned that Oliver had not mastered was drawing a line.  He likes to draw and has been drawing with more purpose, telling us what he thinks he made.  But despite my repeated demonstrations, he would not consistently draw a straight line for me.

Last night I had an idea.  I remembered a line game I used to play with my mom and aunt.  You fill the page with dots and each person draws a line to connect and if you make a box you put your initial in it.  

I explained the game to Oliver this morning and it was an instant hit.  He drew the lines and then requested making a car with the lines.

A little mommy victory this morning!

I want Mommy to go to work.

Every work day is a challenge for Oliver and I.  Sometimes we gracefully say our goodbyes and go on with our respective days missing each other at various times throughout.  Other days are harder.  Long weekends together makes it hard to face a day without the other and when I have several late work nights in a row we start to really miss each other.  Many days he tells me, "I want mommy to stay home and not go to work today."  Most days he runs to me and asks me to let him lay in my lap for one more minute before I have to go (often requesting that I set a timer).  Everyday I leave him is hard, and I know sometimes it's hard for him too.

Sheryl is in Jamica for a few weeks visiting her family.  We are so lucky that Joe's mom was able to come a few days before Christmas and stay until Sheryl gets back.  Oliver is in grandma heaven.

Even while basking in the grandma pampering, mommy is still his first choice for just about anything when I'm home.  Frankly, I've watched him turn down daddy, Sheryl and even grandma many times and felt a little pang of hurt for them.  He has told daddy to go to work and Sheryl to go home with no reservation.

Monday night when Joe got home he looked at him and said, "I want mommy to come home."  But, Tuesday morning was still a heart breaking blow for me when in my work clothes, I sat down at the edge of the "nest" if blankets he built on the couch and accidentally interrupted his conversation with grandma.  He looked at me and said, "I want mommy to move off of there, and I want mommy to go to work."  

It took everything in me not to burst into tears.  Instead, I proceeded cautiously and spent a little time with him before going to work.  He asked for the timer and we gracefully parted for the day.

I think his words hurt so much because I know it is just the beginning of the heartbreak to come.  I hope my working in some ways helps him to develop into an independent person who still feels loved and secure.  But, that independence also means we are encouraging him to be happy and secure when we are away.  Soon enough I know he will not need me anymore and he will recognize that too.   I want to hold on to the moments where all he wants in the world is for mommy to hold him for a few more minutes.