I want Mommy to go to work.

Every work day is a challenge for Oliver and I.  Sometimes we gracefully say our goodbyes and go on with our respective days missing each other at various times throughout.  Other days are harder.  Long weekends together makes it hard to face a day without the other and when I have several late work nights in a row we start to really miss each other.  Many days he tells me, "I want mommy to stay home and not go to work today."  Most days he runs to me and asks me to let him lay in my lap for one more minute before I have to go (often requesting that I set a timer).  Everyday I leave him is hard, and I know sometimes it's hard for him too.

Sheryl is in Jamica for a few weeks visiting her family.  We are so lucky that Joe's mom was able to come a few days before Christmas and stay until Sheryl gets back.  Oliver is in grandma heaven.

Even while basking in the grandma pampering, mommy is still his first choice for just about anything when I'm home.  Frankly, I've watched him turn down daddy, Sheryl and even grandma many times and felt a little pang of hurt for them.  He has told daddy to go to work and Sheryl to go home with no reservation.

Monday night when Joe got home he looked at him and said, "I want mommy to come home."  But, Tuesday morning was still a heart breaking blow for me when in my work clothes, I sat down at the edge of the "nest" if blankets he built on the couch and accidentally interrupted his conversation with grandma.  He looked at me and said, "I want mommy to move off of there, and I want mommy to go to work."  

It took everything in me not to burst into tears.  Instead, I proceeded cautiously and spent a little time with him before going to work.  He asked for the timer and we gracefully parted for the day.

I think his words hurt so much because I know it is just the beginning of the heartbreak to come.  I hope my working in some ways helps him to develop into an independent person who still feels loved and secure.  But, that independence also means we are encouraging him to be happy and secure when we are away.  Soon enough I know he will not need me anymore and he will recognize that too.   I want to hold on to the moments where all he wants in the world is for mommy to hold him for a few more minutes.