The past two months have flown by. I have deeply loved becoming the center of Oliver’s universe and allowing him to become the center of mine. But, the time has come for me to return to work. Tomorrow will be my first day back since Oliver was born. As expected, I have a mix of emotions. Mostly, I feel thankful. I am thankful for the chance to continue my career while being a mother. I am thankful for finding a loving and experienced caretaker for Oliver. I am thankful for a job that will allow me to give Oliver additional opportunities in life. And I am thankful for a supportive husband and a joyful healthy baby. In truth, I am also a bit fearful. I fear that Oliver’s eyes will no longer brighten and his big gummy smile will not appear in response to my voice. I fear that Oliver will love his new caretaker more than he loves me. And I fear that I will not be present enough to make Oliver feel as safe, loved and secure as he deserves to feel. I know my heart will be a little broken as I miss precious moments in his life, but I am hopeful that at the end of this journey I will be content with my choices.
You are an amazing mommy to Oliver and I have no doubt he's going to keep giving you those amazing gummy smiles. I hope you find the perfect balance for your family!! Good luck tomorrow =)
ReplyDeleteWhat a thoughtful and honest post. You can be sure that the gummy smiles will only get bigger...and then they will have teeth, and then you will spend all your time with him saying, "no biting . . . people are friends not food." Ha!
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